Today I am Thankful for the Art of Baking

I love to bake, and not only do I love it, I'm good at it. I used to think I was a good "cook" but I've realized through the years that cooking and baking are very different arenas. While I do enjoy cooking and am pretty good at it most of the time, baking is where I really shine. In fact, baking is one of my talents that I am confident in and can give myself permission to say: YES! I am good at this!

I am thankful for baking for many reasons and not just because I have a terrible sweet tooth. I love it because it makes me feel good. I enjoy creating something that not only tastes delicious but looks beautiful. Cake decorating is my forte, but baking of any kind makes me happy. I love seeing my creations enjoyed and devoured. Baking is soothing and stress relieving to me. Baking makes me feel like I am taking care of people I love and making them happy too.

One of my favorite aspects of baking is that I can share it with my daughter. Mackenzie loves helping me bake. Not that long ago we were making cookies and she suddenly said, "Mama, when I grow up I want to be a Mommy and a Chef!" Through baking I am teaching her about math, hygiene, science, patience, and love. I am so thankful that I get to share these special times with my daughter.

Thank you God, for the Art of Baking!!!

Today I am Thankful for my Brother, Jordan.

There are very few people in this world who know me quite as well as my brother, Jordan. We are a comedy duo, a hip hop team, partners in crime, confidants, and a Tenacious D cover band. No body can make us laugh quite as hard as each other with just a word or a glance. Our sense of humor is identical, and no one else is quite so understanding when I am inexorably compelled to knock a cookie out of their hand.

Jordan has been there for me when very few others were. No matter what has happened or what I've been through, he always treated me the same. He always loved me, made me laugh, and listened to me spill my guts without judgment or pity.

Jordan is a master musician, slicing through any genre with ease. He's a video game aficionado and is generous to a fault. I love him so much! He was the very best part of being "roommates" with my parents. He's also a wonderful uncle. Mackenzie always looks forward to seeing "Uncle J". Today is his birthday and I just want to thank God for him!!!

Today I am Thankful for Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday. --
John Wayne

"Tomorrow I'll think of some way...after all, tomorrow is another day." --Scarlett O'Hara

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.-- Jeremiah 29:11



Today I am thankful for Tomorrow! Every night we are blessed with the ability to shut out the world for a few hours, recharge, and wake up to endless possibilities. No matter how bad today is, no matter how scared I am about the future, tomorrow is a mystery, and in that mystery lies HOPE. Anything can happen tomorrow! God is full of surprises, and for that I am so very, very thankful!!!

Today I am Thankful That the Show is Almost Over!!!

This is the last weekend for my husband's show, "Post-Oedipus". I am very glad he did the show, and it has been great for him. However, I can honestly say that I am SO thankful that it is almost over. It has been harder on us than we ever imagined. This is the first play he has done since we've been married and since becoming a family. It has been good for him, and his talent is one of the things that made me fall in love with him in the first place! I never want him to stop acting or pursuing his passions, but I can certainly say that I am very excited that this is the last weekend of the show!

Thank you, God, that the show is almost over, and thank you for giving our family the perseverance to make it all the way through!

Today I am Thankful for My Cell Phone

It's strange to think back over the years before we had cell phones. How did we survive?? Lol! I remember a friend that had a CAR PHONE. It was such a big deal and she was considered so cool because of it. It's funny because sometimes when I walk into my house my first instinct is to check the answering machine! We don't have an answering machine because we don't even have a home phone! The world is a very different place, and I'm glad for it.

I feel safe, wherever I am because I have my phone. I can get a hold of my husband in an instant if I need to. Other awesomeness: internal phone book! I don't have to remember anyone's phone number or try to keep track of a phone book. TEXTING!!!!! I LOVE texting. LOVE IT!!! I am not a "phone person". I don't like to talk on the phone if I can help it. That's why the TEXT is so great! I can convey information quickly and efficiently without having to have a conversation if I don't feel like it. It's also an awesome way to flirt with your husband throughout the day ;) I'm also thankful for my phone because it's a calendar that reminds me of appointments and an alarm clock to boot! I also can take pictures or videos with it if I forgot my camera.

It would be cool to have a fancy iPhone, but I can't afford it, and that's fine. I don't really care. I'm happy with my little LG slider phone.

So thank you, God, for my cell phone!

Today I am Thankful for the UT Flower Gardens

I work in a cube, in a room with no windows. We are actually located under the front steps of the UT Main/Tower building. The florescent light four feet above my head isn't conducive to positivity. However, right outside the building it is gorgeous! UT does a wonderful job of keeping their grounds clean, groomed, and beautiful.

So, on every break and at lunch I walk out of the building toward the East Mall, and am greeted with green grass, trees, and beautiful flower gardens. Squirrels, birds, and not too far away, turtles, bring nature to campus. This time of year is my favorite, when the Mountain Laurels are filling the air with their perfume and the temperature is just right. However, even when it is freezing, or burning hot outside, the flower gardens are always beautiful, and always bring me a moment of peace in the middle of a hectic day.

Thank you God, for the UT flower gardens.

Today I am Thankful for Easter

Today is Good Friday, and this Sunday we will celebrate Easter. I love Easter! I love the hope and newness it brings. (I love the candy it brings too, but that's a different blog). Easter is about joy and hope and new life, whatever your religious standpoint. Baby bunnies and eggs remind us of new birth, but what I am really thankful for is my re-birth.

I can't properly put into words how thankful I am that Jesus Christ took the penalty for my sin and that I am washed clean of it! God sees me as pure because of His sacrifice and I am free. It's hard to wrap my head around it, really. It makes me sad that so many people, Christian, Buddhist, Agnostic, what have you, think that if they are just good enough they can somehow earn their way to heaven, or that God will love them more. I am so thankful that I get to live in the freedom of the truth and knowledge that no, I'm not good enough and I never will be....and that's okay. God is LOVE and he loves me and has saved me by HIS GRACE not by my feeble works.

So thank you, Jesus, for loving me for who I am, broken and dirty. Thank you for dying for me, so that I can have life. Thank you, God, for Easter and all that it means.

Today I'm Thankful for Mascara

Yeah, it's shallow, so what? Some days I'm not in the best mental place, and it's a stretch to find something to be thankful for that I also have the energy to write about.

So, today I'm thankful for Mascara. Why mascara, you may be wondering? Well, I was blessed with very long eyelashes, however, they may as well be invisible. Blonde blonde blonde!

So, mascara is invaluable. I've been using the same brand since I was 13 years old.

Shallow? Yes. But it makes me happy and more confident and THAT I am thankful for :)

Today I am Thankful For Ms. Helen Eisaman

Recently, on Facebook, Ms. Meadows (a teacher from high school) posted this:

"If you were a student of Helen Eisaman between 1965 and 2006 at Tivy and you would like to send her birthday greetings or have a classroom memory about her please send me a message and I will be sure she gets them on the occasion of her 70th birthday on April 11th. Please send your birthday wishes or comments by April 9th."

I had Ms. Eisaman for Freshman and Senior English at Tivy High School.

Here is the letter I have written and am sending to Ms. Eisaman through Ms. Meadows:


Dear Ms. Eisaman,

Happy 70th Birthday! I hope it is truly a wonderful one. I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know how much you have impacted my life.

I first had you as a teacher for Freshman English in 1992/93. I was a silly little girl and "the elevator didn't always go to the top floor". At first, we didn't like your class. We thought it was, "Soooo hard!" When in truth, we were just so lazy. You taught us how to use the library, which still comes in handy as a grad student, despite the internet. You taught us vocabulary and grammar on a new and challenging level. You spurred us to read (and love) the classics. You taught me how to write a good paper, which is the most critical skill I could possess in higher education.

I had you as a teacher again, my senior year for Dual Enrollment English. If my freshman year you changed me academically, my senior year you changed me emotionally. Senior year was very hard for me. I had been through some traumatic experiences and turned inward. I had gained a lot of weight and lost a bunch of friends. I was insecure and lonely. I felt like you took me by the hand that year, and helped me onto my feet. Through your support, encouragement, and care I found some solid ground to stand on. I started believing in myself again, and I regained confidence that I thought I had lost forever. That year you taught me something that changed my life forever: I AM INTELLIGENT.

Armed with that knowledge and the confidence to back it up, I have excelled in my educational career. This summer I am taking my very last class for my Masters in Literature. So far, I have a 4.0 GPA.

I attribute so much of my success to you, Ms. Eisaman, and the things you taught me both academically and personally. Thank you for challenging me! Thank you for being hard when required and soft when necessary. Thank you for being my teacher and changing my life.

All my love,

Erin Mallory Brownlee


Thank you, God, for sending Ms. Eisaman to me when I needed her most.

Today I am Thankful for "The Prayer of Jabez"

My dad loaned me this tiny little book this weekend. He said it had changed his life. It is called, "The Prayer of Jabez" by Bruce Wilkinson. I'm sure you've heard of it. I had heard of it, but had never thought twice about it.

I read it all in about an hour or so and it really made a lot of sense! The prayer itself seems simple:

1 Chronicles 4:9-10:
"Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, Oh that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my border, and that your hand might be with me, and that you would keep me from evil, that it not be to my sorrow! God granted him that which he requested."

But the book explains the power behind those words!

What really caught my attention was when the author said:
"Suppose Jabez had been a wife and a mother. Then the prayer might have gone: 'Lord, add to my family, favor my key relationships, multiply for Your glory the influence of my household.' Your home is the single most powerful arena on earth to change a life for God. Why wouldn't He want you to be mighty for Him?"

It was like a light went on in my head. God DOES want me to be mighty for Him! It was so simple, yet so profound.

I have been praying the prayer every day since Sunday. Good things are happening already, but more importantly, my attitude has changed. I haven't felt anxious lately about the "waiting" I've been doing. Waiting to be at home with my children, waiting to have another child, waiting to find my...direction. I feel safe. I feel like all of those things ARE going to happen. Like it has been Decided, and I just have to wait to see how and when.

Thank you, God, for sending me that little book, and thank you for the peace it is bringing me!

Today I am Thankful that I'm Getting my Masters Degree.

Well, it has been a hard road. I started working on my Masters Degree in Literature at Texas State in 2004. I got in a good 6 hours before I found out I was pregnant and then another 9 before Mackenzie was born. That second semester was killer. I was working three jobs, taking 9 hours and was pregnant. I don't know how I did it. Tenacity, I guess.

So then my baby was born, and I took a couple of years off. I went back in the Fall of 2007, but toward the end of the semester my marriage was ending and I had an early midlife crisis. My professors were kind enough to give me Incompletes. It took me almost a year to get my life together and finish up those Incompletes.

So now I only have 3 hours, or one class, left. After that I write my thesis, take the comprehensive exams, and graduate! Today I registered for that last class, and I am so excited! It's not going to be easy, that's for sure. The class starts June 7th and meets every Monday and Wednesday night through July 8th from 5:30-10pm. I'll be taking a medieval topics course on Chaucer. Now, I'm not crazy about Chaucer, but who I am crazy about is the professor teaching the course. Dr. Morrison can make any subject lively and fun, and I feel so blessed to have her as my last professor.

My student loan money came through, so that part is taken care of (for now anyway) and my husband is behind me 100%. As I said in a previous blog, my parents have always encouraged and supported me in my education, and I never could have done this without them and their love.

There were many times over the last six years that I almost gave up on my degree. I was scared, overwhelmed, frustrated, etc. But now that I'm registered for that last class, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know that I will finish and I will graduate with that 4.0 I've been so protective of. Thank you, God, that I've stuck with it and that this time next year I'll be gearing up for graduation!

Today I am Thankful for my American Citizenship

Our government, is in my opinion, a complete wreck. Don't worry, I'm not going to go into a diatribe on politics, I don't have the time or the inclination this afternoon. However, at lunch today, outside of the Texas Union here on campus, there was a presentation going on about immigration reform. It got me thinking about how blessed I am to be an American. Despite how angry I get at politics and politicians, and despite the flaws in our system, this is a wonderful country.

We are free in so many ways that other citizens of the world are not. I can freely practice my religion and share it with others! I can express myself! Even when I feel like our family is lacking and broke, we still have food in our bellies, a roof over our heads, and clothes on our backs. We are safe from oppression, and the things that we need to worry about are a fraction of those in other countries. We have clean water and hot water piped directly into our houses. Our streets are clean.

The other great thing about America is Americans. Our country has a huge heart. We are depicted across the world as cruel or ruthless because of our involvement in the recent wars, but without going into all of that---America is filled with loving and kind people. Our country is such that it engenders creativity, inventiveness, and passion.

I could go on and on, but what I'm trying to say is that I know that I am extremely blessed to have been born and raised in this country. I think the Republican party sucks. I think the Democratic party sucks worse. But I think America is wonderful, because I can say those things freely! As long as there is freedom, there is hope that someday there will be a political party that doesn't suck quite so hard.

(How's that for eloquence? )

Thank you, God, that I am an American.

Today I am Thankful for the Current Weather

I feel awful today, and am at work. My brain is covered in moss, and my eyes are bleary. I was having a hard time coming up with something to be thankful for today that I could be short and sweet about. The weather today is wonderful, in my estimation. It's about 65 degrees, grey, and misting. I love it. I wish I was at home cuddled up with a good book and a cup of great coffee, but alas, I am here in my cube. Regardless, I am thankful that the weather today is the way I like it. I can't stand the heat and I don't like it anymore when it rains, because then I have to sludge through it to get to my garage after work. So today is perfect. Thank you, God for today's Weather!

Today I am Thankful for Laurels

I have two Laurels to be thankful for today! The first is my friend, Laurel Kimball, and the second is the Texas Mountain Laurels.

Laurel Simmons Kimball and I were first friends about twenty years ago. Our mothers were friends, and we were both home schooled, along with our brothers and sisters, so we used to all get together fairly regularly. Laurel was actually closer to my sister, Heather, because they were closer in age. (As I write this, I realize they are both named after purple flowers!) A few months ago Laurel and I became "friends" on Facebook, but we have grown into Friends. Although we don't get to see each other often, since she lives in North Texas, we communicate almost daily through email and Facebook. She has become a wonderful inspiration to me, both as a mother and as a person. Laurel is the most positive, insightful person I know and I am so thankful that she is my friend.

I am also thankful today for the Texas Mountain Laurel, my favorite tree! These beautiful, fragrant trees bloom for just a few weeks every spring and make me so happy. The blooms are so pretty, hanging in their purple bunches like grapes. They also smell like grape Koolaid, and the scent is intoxicating! Luckily, there are several of these trees right out side my building at work. Every day I pluck a bloom off of the tree and bring it into my cubical. The scent stays all day and consistently brightens my state of mind. Although I'm not fond of the bees that flock to the trees, they keep to themselves and don't seem to mind me sticking my nose into their business. Now the Monarch Butterflies have hatched and the trees are made that much more beautiful by their presence.

Two purple flowers. Two things that always brighten my day. Thank you, God, for Laurels!

Today I am Thankful for my Education

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
-- Mark Twain



I have been to many different schools (apx 11 or so) and have experienced a plethora of educational environments. I've been to public schools and private schools. I've attended a one room school house and a 5A public school. I've been home-schooled, un-schooled, over-schooled and everything in between. On top of that, let's add community college, university, and graduate school.

However, when I say that I am thankful for my education, I don't just mean my structured schooling. I am thankful for every way in which I have been educated and, more importantly, taught to love learning.

The importance of the pursuit and acquisition of knowledge has been pervasive in my family, even though degrees are not. My grandfather (Papa), Jerome Casler, was a WWII vet and voracious reader. He loved to recite poems, tell stories, and knew the answer to just about anything, or so it seemed. When we asked him how he knew so much he usually declared he had learned it in, "The Books of Knowledge, 10 years old." The story goes that when he was ten years old the family was snowed in in the Texas Panhandle, and there was no school, nothing for an active mind to do but read an entire set of encyclopedia. ( I believe this may be to what he was referring: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Knowledge_%28book_series%29.) Papa never earned a college degree, though he took many college classes and was a member of Mensa.

My mother, Tess Mallory, also engineered in us a love of learning. The way Papa had opened the universe to her, she did so for us, showing us that the world was full of incredible, beautiful, fascinating, and magical things, we only had to look as far as a book! She home schooled us off and on through the years, and both of my parents stressed that it wasn't the grades that were important, but rather that we did our best and learned. Like her father, Mama is qualified to be a Mensan.

My father, Bill Mallory, has inspired me in my education as well. He earned his bachelor's degree the day I was born, but didn't go back for his masters until he was in his 40s. He spent over five years taking classes at night to earn his masters degree and counseling license. Daddy has taught me that perseverance and hard work can really pay off. I'm sure he learned that from his own mother, Beulah, who went back to school when she was in her 40s to become an RN.

So those are my roots. I grew up reading just about anything I could get my hands on, and my mother says I started writing stories phonetically when I was four or five. As I grew older, I remember being obsessed about different topics and checking out every book the library had to offer on them. Some of my favorites were Cats, Greek and Roman mythology, Egyptology, Archaeology, and "Mysteries of the World" type books. (Not a surprise my bachelors degree is in Anthropology, huh?) My parents also educated us in other areas such as literature, classic film, religion, etc, just by engendering a general culture of knowledge in our home.

In short, my family has always supported me in my education, and still are my cheerleaders as I sit with only one course and my thesis left to complete my masters degree in Literature. However, what I think is more important is that they fostered in me a love of learning that has propelled me to continue on my path.

I need to add that my gratitude also applies to the fact that I live in the United States where there is freedom in education(private, religious, and home-schooling is allowed) and education loans are plentiful. (Although, as Scarlett O'Hara would say, "I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow".)

So thank you, God, for my family, my teachers, and the well rounded education I have received.

Today I am Thankful for God's Promises

I had a hard time coming up with a title for today's blog. I thought about titling it, "Today I am Thankful for the Bible" or "Today I am Thankful for John 16:16". The former felt too vague, the later too narrow. I finally settled on "God's Promises" because it best applies to the experience I want to write about.

Yesterday I was feeling awful, physically and mentally. I was sick and felt like everything that is wrong with me and my life was weighing on me all at once and pushing me deeper and deeper into a dark hole. I left work at noon, went home, and slept all afternoon. I woke up feeling better physically, but just as awful mentally. After moping around for awhile I felt like God started knocking on my heart, saying "Hello! Remember me?!"

Answering his call, I went to my room, got on my knees, and prayed and prayed and prayed. I cried out to God about everything that was weighing on me, all my fears, problems, worries. I laid it at his feet.

One of the heaviest weights on my heart is that I feel trapped in an impossible situation. I want to be a full time wife and mother, selling my art on the side if possible. I want to be a bigger part of my daughter's life. I want to have another baby. I want to take care of my home and my husband. Realistically, right now, we financially cannot make it without my income. Our insurance is through my job, as well. Sure, we could move to a smaller place or a cheaper city, but right now my priority is Mackenzie's well being, and after all the changes she has already had in her short little life, she desperately needs stability and routine. Not to mention we love our little home, friends, church, etc and don't want to move if we can help it.

So that seemingly hopeless issue was the biggest burden I was bringing to the Lord. After praying, I felt prodded to read from God's Word. In times of worry or fear I often turn to the Psalms for a "quick fix", but instead, yesterday, I decided to search for God's wisdom through a different method; one I had used a lot as a young person, but hadn't employed in many years. I held my Bible closed and with my eyes shut, I used my thumb to flip through the pages. When I felt my thumb "grow hot" (that's the only way I know how to describe the feeling. It's like God saying, "Wait! Stop here!") I opened the Bible and read that passage. It was John 16:16-33.
________________________________________________
Sorrow Will Turn to Joy 16 “A little while, and you will not see Me; and again a little while, and you will see Me, because I go to the Father.” 17 Then some of His disciples said among themselves, “What is this that He says to us, ‘A little while, and you will not see Me; and again a little while, and you will see Me’; and, ‘because I go to the Father’?” 18 They said therefore, “What is this that He says, ‘A little while’? We do not know what He is saying.” 19 Now Jesus knew that they desired to ask Him, and He said to them, “Are you inquiring among yourselves about what I said, ‘A little while, and you will not see Me; and again a little while, and you will see Me’? 20 Most assuredly, I say to you that you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice; and you will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will be turned into joy. 21 A woman, when she is in labor, has sorrow because her hour has come; but as soon as she has given birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world. 22 Therefore you now have sorrow; but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice, and your joy no one will take from you. 23 “And in that day you will ask Me nothing. Most assuredly, I say to you, whatever you ask the Father in My name He will give you. 24 Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.
Jesus Christ Has Overcome the World 25 “These things I have spoken to you in figurative language; but the time is coming when I will no longer speak to you in figurative language, but I will tell you plainly about the Father. 26 In that day you will ask in My name, and I do not say to you that I shall pray the Father for you; 27 for the Father Himself loves you, because you have loved Me, and have believed that I came forth from God. 28 I came forth from the Father and have come into the world. Again, I leave the world and go to the Father.” 29 His disciples said to Him, “See, now You are speaking plainly, and using no figure of speech! 30 Now we are sure that You know all things, and have no need that anyone should question You. By this we believe that You came forth from God.” 31 Jesus answered them, “Do you now believe? 32 Indeed the hour is coming, yes, has now come, that you will be scattered, each to his own, and will leave Me alone. And yet I am not alone, because the Father is with Me. 33 These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”
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I felt immediately uplifted and full of hope and peace! God had led me right to a passage that contained words directly from Jesus, speaking to tribulations and God's promise to provide! Whatever you ask the Father in My name He will give you! Jesus has overcome the world!

God has worked miracles in my life before, why would he not again? God directed me to that particular passage, and through those words that Jesus spoke thousands of years ago, God was making me a promise today, in 2010.

So I'm asking in the name of Jesus, for his glory, that a door is opened, and a miracle is produced in my family, so that I can stay at home with my children.

Thank you, God, for your Word and for your provision and for your promises. Thank you for speaking to my heart the very words I needed to hear!

Today I am Thankful for My Health

For those who know me, this may be a surprising topic for my gratitude blog. On it's face value, I do not appear to have very good health. I have terrible allergies, frequent sinus infections, migraines, long term back and neck pain, a bad knee, and multiple mysterious pains and ailments. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/fibromyalgia/DS00079) earlier this year, and while I take medication for it that helps, I am constantly exhausted and aching.

Despite all of this, I am thankful for my health! I have all my limbs! I do not have a life-threatening disease! I can hear! I can see! I can smell, taste, touch, breathe, walk, run, dance, sing, kiss, and hold my loved ones. I have problems, but when it comes to the most basic, most important aspects of health, I am fine. For this I am extremely blessed and grateful. Thank you, God, for my health!

Today I am Thankful for my Husband

Today my husband, James Hudson Brownlee, turns 33. Writing this post feels daunting, because I don't feel like I have the vocabulary or the talent to even come close to being able to express the amount of gratitude I have for him and to God for giving him to me.

Our story is an interesting one. James (or Hud as I call him) has been one of my closest friends for almost 14 years. The fact that we are now husband and wife came as much of a shock to us as it did to everyone else! We never dreamed that we would feel the way we do about each other, much less find out that we are indelibly tied at the soul. Hud becoming my husband is the greatest gift God has ever given me, second only to the birth of my daughter, Mackenzie.

I can remember first meeting Hud so clearly. It was the first day of drama class at Weatherford College in the fall of 1996. I was late because I had a history class that overlapped my theater class by 15 minutes. I walked into the auditorium with my boyfriend, who would later become my first husband. The teacher, Nancy, was having each person stand at the front of the room, at the foot of the stage, and tell a little bit about themselves and their theater experience. Hud was at the front, talking, when I walked in. It's hard to explain what I felt in that moment. It wasn't love at first sight, it wasn't even lust at first sight. The closest I can come to describing it is 'soul mates' at first sight. At that moment God actually spoke to me, saying, "This is going to be the most important man in your life." Being young, and immature in my faith, I was like, "Whatever, God. I'm here with my boyfriend!"

Hud and I were very close during our years at Weatherford College. We were together all the time. He dated my sister for awhile , and appropriately enough, our first kiss was actually on stage during a production of "Into the Woods". Hud went on to Tarleton State University and I stayed in Weatherford a bit longer. Due to a host of unfortunate choices and immature reasons I married my high school sweetheart in 1998. Hud was one of the groomsman, at my request.

As the years went on, Hud graduated from Tarleton and I graduated from Texas State. He dated different people, and I had Mackenzie. Through the years our friendship went through many different phases. Sometimes we were inseparable, while at other times we lost touch, but we always found our way back to each other.

One of those "finding our way back to each other" times came as I was in the midst of a divorce in 2007. We started hanging out again, strictly as friends, and then suddenly, something changed. We saw each other in a different light. The truth of the matter was that we were both completely different people than we had been at any other phase of our friendship. Cautious at first, we quickly realized that for the first time in our lives, we were feeling true, soul deep, love. Our relationship progressed quickly from there, because we had already known each other for so long.

Hud immediately fell in love with Mackenzie, and she with him.
He proposed at Christmas 2008 with a beautiful Tahitian pearl ring, and we were married June 13, 2009.


I am thankful for Hud for so many reasons. I could turn this blog into a book about why I love my husband. He is an incredible step-father to Mackenzie, and I am so grateful for that relationship. As a step-father he is kind, patient, loving, attentive, protective, an entertainer, and a leader. As a husband he is romantic, funny, considerate, and supportive. In our marriage he is a leader and a helper. He protects us, provides for us, and make our home a loving, warm place to be. He is my best friend. He is my anchor and understands me and loves me in spite of my faults and foibles. As a man, Hud is the most talented person I've ever had the honor of knowing. He's ambitious, strong, quirky, and sexy as hell. I am more in love with him today than yesterday, and cannot imagine life without him at my side.

At the risk of sounding corny, I never knew love could be like this. I thought this kind of relationship, this kind of love, admiration, and respect was the stuff of fairy tales.

Thank you, God, for Hud. Thank you for making him who is he and for bringing us together.

Today I am Thankful for my Personal Growth and Maturity

"I have woven a parachute out of everything broken" --William Stafford


I am a different person today than I was a year ago. I am a very different person today than I was three years ago. Ten years ago? Barely recognizable. I have to say, all this change has definitely been for the better. I'm no longer a child, a girl--I'm a woman,and I feel like I've finally come into my own. It has been said, “The finest steel has to go through the hottest fire.” I've walked through that raging fire, and was hewn sharper, stronger, steadier, humbler, more steadfast, and more faithful than I ever could have imagined. I thought I knew who I was. I saw the world in black and white and from my high horse I made judgments upon those around me. "Oh, I would NEVER do that." "How could she think that way?" etc. Now, I didn't really do that consciously. My standards for myself and for others were ridiculously high. I didn't realize that I was being judgmental or uncompassionate. I saw myself as a tenacious woman with a firm set of principals. Not that there was anything wrong with that per-say, but the farther you build up your own pedestal, the more bones get broken when you misstep and plummet to the earth.

I could have just as easily entitled this post, Today I am Thankful for Trials and Tribulations, because it is those things that make us who we are, but I am thankful today for the very specific trials and tribulations that have forced me to grow and mature and to trust Christ in a way I never had before.

I now know that I have no right to judge others, because there is no way for me to really know what is going on in their lives and in their heads. I have more restraint, and in that restraint have found great freedom. It's harder to forgive than to hold a grudge. It's harder to be care than to be ambivalent. It's harder to be sympathetic than to be judgmental. I've chosen a harder road all around, but the path is lined with such great beauty, that it is completely worth it.

I am so thankful to God for the person he has molded me into. I'm definitely not perfect. I'm just better and happier and freer than I was. And I know he's not done with me yet!

Today I'm Thankful for Tonight's Dinner

Tonight we celebrated my husband's 33rd birthday, which isn't actually until March 16h. A small group of close friends gathered at County Line BBQ and we ate, laughed, and had fun. Good food. Good friends. The best part was that we all celebrated James' birthday and no one drank a drop of alcohol. That has to be a first for this group. I am thankful for the respect they showed him in that manner, and I'm thankful that they took the time to come out and show him how much they love him. My parents gave us the money for dinner as part of his gift. I am also thankful for that. It is almost midnight, and I'm just getting this one in under the line, so it's not very articulate, but I'm committed to this daily verbalization of gratitude. So thank you, God for the Packard family, the two Johnnys, and Bobby and the fun we had tonight.

Today I am Thankful for Facebook

"Every man passes his life in the search after friendship."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

At first glance, Facebook may seem a silly thing to be thankful for. It has many uses, some of which are completely use-less. You can use it to waste time at work, post pictures of your kids, play online games, try to find a mate, network, promote yourself, etc, but in essence it is an online social networking site. A place to connect with people.

I am thankful for Facebook because it has been an invaluable friendship tool for me. It has helped me keep up with my good friends and grow new, precious friendships.

I've heard it said that if you have to keep up with your friends online, you're pathetic, go out and actually see real people. While I understand where these people are coming from, they do not know where I am coming from. My life is extremely busy. I work full time, am trying to get a home based business off the ground, am actively involved in church, and most of all, am a full time wife and mother. I rarely have the time to see my friends in person. Not to mention, I'm a person that abhors talking on the phone. I will avoid it at all costs. That's why my unlimited texting is so important. But Facebook is a place where I can daily connect with those people--friends and family--that are so important to me. I can see pictures of what they're up to, send messages back and forth, and feel a little bit involved in their precious lives that I'm unfortunately too busy to be that involved in.

What I wasn't expecting to happen on Facebook was to make new friends. There are people on my 'friends list' from high school that I barely knew back then, spouses of old friends, and friends from childhood. I added them thinking that it would be fun to see what they were up to and how their lives had changed over the last 10-20 years. And yet, there are a handful of these old friends that have become very special to me on a daily basis. When I am struggling and need support or need someone to be accountable to, they are there. They have reached out to me when people who "know" me and sit right next to me haven't. I have developed very deep friendships with a couple of them. They live in North Texas, so I don't get to actually see them as much as I'd like, but their friendships have become invaluable to me. All of this because of Facebook.

In his book, "Anansi Boys" Neil Gaiman writes:

"It is a small world. You do not have to live in it particularly long to learn that for yourself. There is a theory that, in the whole world, there are only five hundred real people (the cast, as it were; all the rest of the people in the world, the theory suggests, are extras) and what is more, they all know each other. And it's true, or true as far as it goes. In reality the world is made of thousands upon thousands of groups of about five hundred people, all of whom will spend their lives bumping into each other, trying to avoid each other, and discovering each other in the same unlikely teashop in Vancouver. There is an unavoidability to this process. It's not even coincidence. It's just the way the world works, with no regard for individuals or for propriety."

I think he's on to something there. Facebook is a place to collect and organize our "Cast of 500" as it were. But not only that, it changes things. People from my "cast" that I would maybe only run into 10 years from now at a reunion or at the supermarket, have instead become some of my best friends and closest confidants.

So thank you, God, for Facebook, and the special friendships it has enabled me to create.

Today I am Thankful for my Church

"If Jesus had thought the kingdom could be built through law, legalism and fundamentalism, He would have worked with the Pharisees rather than calling disciples." --David Currie


I have been a christian since I was five years old, and throughout the years I have had the opportunity to visit a variety of different churches, each evoking a different emotion within me. I've felt sadness, sitting with a handful of very elderly people in mostly empty, dying Methodist church. I've felt like an insignificant dust mote in an evangelical Mega-church. I've felt awe and wonder at a mass delivered in French and Latin at the largest Gothic cathedral in Europe.


These are only a few examples.

I am now a member of The City Community Church, and for the first time I feel....at home.

When we moved to Austin I dreaded looking for a church. My last church experience had been one that ended in great pain, and so it was with a guarded heart that I decided to begin the search. I stalled and stalled. On top of my own baggage, I was nervous about visiting unknown churches. My husband, James, was a "baby christian". What if we visited the wrong one and he was turned off from the whole Christ thing all together? As usual, God was way ahead of me. We didn't have to go on a great church hunt, God delivered one to us through the evening news.



We don't watch the news very often. I tend to get my news during the day through the internet, but for some reason, one night last July we had the news on and a story came on about a new church in Austin that met in LaZona Rosa (at the time) and let people bring their dogs to church! My first thought was, "Well, if they meet in a bar and let dogs come, they can't be legalistic." James was interested too and we visited the next Sunday. We've been there almost every Sunday since.

On that first Sunday, the thing that instantly stuck me was that the people we met were friendly and warm and welcoming, but not in the artificial way I had always experienced before when visiting a new church. They genuinely seemed interested in us. The environment was casual, and we felt immediately comfortable.

At some point, the pastor, Matthias, came over and met us and asked how we had heard about them. We told him about the news show, and James said, "I figured, Hey, if they accept dogs, they'll accept me too." Later Matthias told us that this simple statement had had a significant impact on him.

I don't remember what the sermon was about that day, but I know that the pastor, Matthias, consistently speaks about God's grace. This is where the sermons always end up. Whatever you are going through, whatever you have done, God's grace covers it. Forgiveness, love, and grace--the elements that I have always believe should be the foundation of our christian lives. The other great thing about the sermons is that Matthias always puts the scriptures we are studying into historical context. Being an Anthropology major, and James being a History buff, we love learning in depth about the culture and events that shaped the Bible.


So now we've been at The City for almost 8 months. Matthias baptized James last summer; we're part of City Teams (I'm in the nursery and James is joining the set up crew); we're in a small group that meets on Wednesday nights; Mackenzie loves children's church and all her City friends; and I feel so exceedingly blessed.

This church has been a breath of fresh air for me. I have not once felt judgment, condemnation, or discomfort. Our new friends have surrounded us with love and have instantly been at our sides when we are in need. Our little church is growing so we've moved to the Austin Music Hall. So although the puppies are no longer a part of our church family, anyone is welcome. It doesn't matter who you are or what you have done, these people welcome you with open arms.

At The City I've found love, support, acceptance, grace, and great friendships. Every Sunday I feel like I'm getting "filled up" and armed to face the week ahead. My relationship with Christ is stronger than ever before, my knowledge and love of the Bible has grown immensely, and I look forward all week to Sunday morning.

So today I am thankful for my Church. Thank you God for leading us there.

________________________________________________________________________________
The City is a non-denominational church that meets in the Austin Music Hall and describes themselves thusly:

"We are a group of Christ-followers gripped by God's love, who want to be a part of a movement in Central/Downtown Austin that leads people to a real relationship with God. We believe loving God should make a difference in the way we live!"

http://www.thecityaustin.com

Today I'm Thankful For My Car

My car is kind of crappy. It's a '99 Red Ford Something or other. It's dirty inside and out. It kind of smells. The back seat is completely filled with junk we had to hurriedly clean out of the trunk of my husbands car before a trip one time. The trunk won't close, so we had to Gorilla Glue it closed. The air conditioning doesn't work.

I am EXTREMELY thankful for this car! It has four wheels and it runs. It gets me to work and home. It gets me to the grocery store to buy food for my family. I didn't have to pay a dime for this car. Out of the goodness of her heart, my sister gave it to me several years ago.

I'm know that when the Texas summertime hits, it will be a bummer to not have air conditioning, but that's fine. There are many people who do not have a car at all. I don't have to ride the bus. I don't have to inconvenience my family by having to all get up extra early so that we can all make it to work on time.

While I'm not thankful for traffic, I'm thankful for the time I have in my car. I drive to work up I35 in the mornings and down 1st street on the way home. I have about 45 minutes each way to be alone with my thoughts, prayers, and silly talk shows.

So thank you, God, that I have a car that meets the needs of my family.

Beginning this Blog

“When you are grateful fear disappears and abundance appears”
---Anthony Robbins


I've spent a lot of time lately being unhappy and depressed. I've been longing for what I don't have and can't have, at least right now. These longings are not for material things, but rather life changes that need to be made for the health and happiness of my family. I felt convicted to start a gratitude blog. Even if no one else reads it, I need the daily reaffirmation of all the wonderful blessings that God has given me.

So for today I'm thankful for this outlet to express my gratitude. Thank you, God, for giving me this idea and an easy way to make it a reality.